What I Did Not Know Before

Hey everyone,

As an adult now creeping into her 30s and much more educated.  I learned how much I struggled with mental health as a teen.  I was never outwardly depressed, did bad in school, did drugs or cut herself.  But I harvested emotions within myself.

I lost my grandfather 8 days short of turning 14 years old.  He was the most special person to me in my life.  At his viewing when I first saw him…I started laughing. YES…laughing.  From  laughing it went to hyperventilating to crying.  I did it know it then but I had a possible anxiety attack and I think that was my first one.

I love my parents but in that year alone my siblings and myself went to 3 different funerals for family members. My brother was creeping on 7 years old to put things into perspective. I believe they should’ve gotten us help but you know cultural stigma. (Hopefully I’ll get into this in another post).  Later the same year due to family conflicts, we moved to Florida. So many life changes in less than a year.  I must say the move was the hardest for my sister, who cried everyday before school.

My parents later got divorced a couple years later and my mom got into a relationship right away.  She brought her boyfriend over all the time and shut us out once he came over. Now I am a 16 year old girl and until recently when I was talking to my aunt I did not realize that it really did shake me up.  I started wetting the bed as a teenager (embarrassing and not something I have ever discussed).  I also lost appetite for food (even ice cream), I lost at least 10lbs when as a teenager and I was already a small girl.  I graduated high school 5 foot 9 inches and about 110lbs (I fit into size double 0 jeans).  I was so under weight that my blood pressure was usually 80/40.

Looking back I think I had anxiety and depression due to the experiences I faced within a 4 year lifespan that was all life changing.   I didn’t have parents that knew how to get the proper help for their kids.

Now do not get me wrong, my parents are GREAT parents.  They provide for us even living on pay check to pay check.  We are college grads or going to college.  However, my mom especially, lacks in the talking to her kids with life issues.  I will never forget the day our uncle asked us if my mom sat us down to speak about the situation regarding my parents–we said no.

I realized it was bad parenting as a teenager, but did not know it impacted me until an adult.  I was angry with my mom and it was an everyday struggle to even get along with her until I went away for college.

With recent events… I realized I should’ve gotten help long ago.

Has anyone ever dealt with parents who were great but”failed at a topic”?

With Much Love,

Molly.